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Worst Poetry Ever Written


Worst Poetry Ever Written

I like to write whatever comes out of my mind. I’m gathering some of these for a new book – The Worst Poetry Ever Written. I classify these as absolute shit and will be updating intermittently. When I get to 100 I will self publish on Amazon, let’s see what happens.

The Tinterweb

The internet of shit
I use it every day
Combining digital enterprises like a big pair of tits.

I know, stop it
Let’s come up with a plan,
We might as well run around like Iron Man.


I’m working on the vegetable patch
Planting potatoes and delicate amethyst onions.
She finds me
And tells me her plans
I agree
And ponder about how the carrots will look in the sunshine.

First Love

My first love
Was a woman of gold platinum hair
She cared
She did things beyond repair
I saw her future
Awakening while asleep
I knew she wouldn’t change her habit
I might as well have spoken to a rabbit.

I left her for a different road
And found her again as the years arose
My dream had come true
But not with me
With a different rose.

Pain Of Love

Shelter me from the pain of love
A hurt that cannot be measured
Especially if the laws of the universe
Demand it be undone.

Let me out

Sometimes I look up
And think to myself

The Invisible Rabbit

Carrots make a lot of noise
Crunching and pointing
With all their orange flair
Carrots, they take too long to grow
And the rabbits nick them
I think
But no one really knows.


I hate commas
I think they really stink
Leaving their flicks like a dirty smelly trick
I don’t like the way they look
And I shan’t use them in this worst book
Well – on this poem then

Text Sent

I just sent a text message
It was rather quick
Now I’m waiting for hours
I’ll send a smiley
With no reply, as yet
I would better off making cheese on toast
And having a little pet.

Text received

I finally got a response
From that text,
I sent last week
I can’t be bothered to reply
Make her wait
For at least two weeks.

Text Finally Sent

Hello! thanks for the text
I’ve been really busy
With life
And putting up a tent.

Now I’m free for a coffee
Or a drink with you
In my shed?

If it’s sophistication you’re after
We can pop to a wine bar or a club
I can do anything
It depends on what you’re really after.

Vanilla Ice Cream

I bought an ice cream
It melted on my hand
I licked it off
And tasted the salt from my sweat glands.


I’ve got a little dog called Trixie
She shits all over the garden

She laughs before I pick it up
As she wipes her arse on the grass.

My wife

My wife, she points her finger
And flaps the tea towel around
I stick my head through the window
And tell her to calm down.

The neighbours think we’re crazy
The kids give out a shout
The dog and cats shit and fart
As we try to make out.

She gives me lists of things to do
And moans when I’m not listening
What does she expect
After 18 years of living.


I engage in conversation
Every single day.

It’s the only way to stay human
With words of simple play.

Tell me your story and I will tell you mine
Then we can be quiet and converse with our minds.

Photo by Nathan Dumlao

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david irvine

Do your own thing in your own way and get what you came here for. My first book is available on Amazon PARADOXICAL VISTA, Enjoy!

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